Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in hrtshpdbox's LiveJournal:

Thursday, June 5th, 2003
12:24 am	back again and bruised and sick, a little. graves disease, named after the dude who identified it, and i've got it now, and it may mean a bad time, or it may not, but I have to wait and see what develops. new, is the radiohead album...what a record ! old, is the struggle, and i'm crawling back in. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 8th, 2003
1:27 am	Open Sky I'm going to New York City in a couple of weeks, it will be the first time I've been there since April, 2000, so it will have been almost three years.. That occasion was some conference on retirement plans; one person from my office could go, it was in New York, it was free, so I snagged it. I stayed in a good “business” hotel somewhere in mid-town, maybe it was a Sheraton, a small, bright lobby, a little room with a big TV and an enormous bed, a fax machine, a very stocked minibar, a view of an air shaft. One night I ordered American Beauty on the big TV, I hadn't seen it yet and was looking forward to it - I fell asleep halfway through. I'd later discover I hadn't missed much (overrated film of the year award). During my trip, Rudy Guiliani announced that he had prostate cancer and had to rethink whether he'd run for the Senate. The conference I was attending was full of ridiculous Type A stockbrokers from all over the country, and most had never been to New York. One told me he'd landed tickets to the Yankee game that night; I explained to him exactly where to catch the subway, but he said he was going to take a cab, so he could “see everything”. I hope he enjoyed the view while sitting at traffic lights, and racking up a thirty dollar cab fare, in the South Bronx. I didn't take any cabs during that trip, I walked everywhere, reclaiming the furious NYC pace I leave behind each time I leave town. One afternoon I walked down to the Village and saw Bob Mould, from Husker Du, do an acoustic show (incredibly loud amped acoustic, I should say). He was fantastic, and the faux-punk songs he'd written for his band sounded great, like sea shanty's or something, with him singing at the top of his lungs and strumming with all his might. The opening act was Martha Wainwright (Loudon's daughter, Rufus's sister), and she was charming and sultry...why haven't I heard from her since ? I walked the fifty blocks back uptown to the hotel at three o'clock that morning, breathing deeply the familiar air, the memories of New York City. On that trip I didn't make it all the way downtown to the World Trade Center. But that building has woven itself into my own history for more than half of my life. When I was 19 years old and living in the Village, friends and I would look down 6th Avenue and remark on the eyesore climbing higher and higher each week. I worked, at that time, on the Coffee Exchange on Pine Street, directly east and on the opposite shore from the Trade Center construction, about ten blocks distant. I'd ride my motorcycle down the West Side Highway and turn into the Wall Street area down by a giant landfill project which would eventually become Battery Park City. In 1976 all the commodities exchanges consolidated in one massive open floor, completely occupying the nine-story 4 World Trade Center, right at the foot of the the two main towers. Our crew would jostle phones, yell at each other, yell at the phones, sweat, jostle each other and then, when the markets closed and quiet fell over the giant floor, we'd order brisket sandwiches and cole slaw and lemonade from the World Trade Center delis, and try to figure out who had made money that day, and who had lost. The week the buildings first opened I went with some coworkers to the restaurant at the top, Windows On The World, for a beer. It was too bright up there to have a drink, at least before dark, and a beer was five dollars up there and only two dollars in the ground-floor bar, so I think I never went up there again. The other tower, though, where you could walk out on to the roof and soak in the most amazing view of New York City, I was up there quite a few times. I left New York in 1984. In 1993, after having served a stint in the Army and becoming a father of three kids, I was living in Miami, and I'd changed jobs. My new employer was sending me to New York for training. The day before I was due to fly up, Al Qaeda drove a Ryder truck full of explosives into the basement parking lot of the Trade Center; the blast killed six people the training had been scheduled to take place in one of the towers, and they were supposed to put us up in The Millenium, a new hotel across the street from the Trade Center. Eventually they found us a slightly rundown midtown hotel, and from there they'd bus us downtown for training. I did a lot of walking on that trip, too, like down to the apartment building where I'd lived for six years. Harvey, the doorman, was still there, and he recognized me right away, even though I hadn't lived there in nine years. ”Peragine, this whole place went condo a few years back, and you wouldn't believe what your old apartment is worth...you don't want to know”. Harvey was right about that, I thought, as I continued walking through my old neighborhood, noticing that everything looked precisely as I remembered it. In 1997 I found myself jobless, for all the usual reasons; I'm impetuous, I'm too much a broker and not enough a salesman, I couldn''t fit the Merrill Lynch mold, whatever. In any case, despite shortcomings, I have clients now who've stayed with me since the mid-90s. Back then, though, I didnt' know what to do next. I spoke to an old boss who I'd worked for on the Sugar floor in the late 70's; he was selling his business to a large company and needed some help with the merger - it would take six months or so, and the pay would be good. I would miss my kids, but I was also anxious to get away from Florida quickly. Being let go by Merrill had really thrown me (even though they're lousy to their people and fire people indiscriminately). And my marriage was on hold in a damaged state, never having recovered from events around the time of my father's death. So I flew to New York, and I had a temporary apartment waiting for me in Battery Park City. Now I was spending most days and nights right in shadow of the Trade Center. Beautiful public buildings had been built in Battery Park City and there was ,When I was younger no one would walk the narrow streets of the financial district late at night because no one lived there, and it was rumored that rats were in abundance after dark. Now, though, thousands of yuppies from Battery Park kept businesses open and lights on all the time. So that was my last period of time really spent around the Trade Center. After a couple of months I had to clear out of the apartment, as the owner was back from Europe. A friend wanted some help trying to sell a large piece of land to the state of New Jersey, and he offered to let me stay in an empty rental house on the property if I'd help get various environmental agencies interested in the property (which they did, as the enormous pond and swamps on his property attracted some varieties of birds that didn't seem very fond of much else in New Jersey). But, before that house in Jersey was ready for me to move into, I had no place to stay. I guess I could've spent a lot on a hotel or looked for a room way uptown, but I just decided to hide out in the office and sleep on the couch there for a while. I flew home to Florida a couple of weekends, and visited relatives on Long Island, but spent the weeks downtown, in the office. I spent many a night after the place had emptied sitting at my desk and watching the setting sun reflect off the steel and glass of the Trade Center. In the mornings, and all the way into the afternoons on the weekends, produce sellers would set up booths all around the perimeter of the Trade Center, the fragile vegetables and fruits contrasted against the solid mass of the building. The last time I saw the building I did it right, showing if off to my kids for their first and only visit. We bought bagels in the concourse, my kids went through a revolving door for the very first time there (and what revolving doors, easily thirty feet high). We took the endless elevator up to the top floor, and even my 6 year-old son didn't believe me when I announced that sometimes the elevator builds up too much speed and keeps going right through the roof. And walk around on the roof we did, on a beautiful, crisp and windless New York morning, and we took pictures and pointed at Long Island, the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty. When the buildings came down, I drove around to the kid's schools and pulled them out for the day, and we went home and watched it on TV; I thought it was better we were together, so they could remember it when they were older (I remember, at age 7, being let out early from PS 32 in Queens, when John Kennedy was shot). When the building was new, and even in later years, I'd sometimes walk right to it and stare up at the vanishing lines, place my hand on the cool metal - I'm sure I looked quite the proper idiot. 4 World Trade Center, where I'd worked on the very first day it opened, was completely crushed by the second tower, not one person from that building was killed, they all got out safely. That tower also crushed all the shops on the first floor; one of the descriptions of that area talked about the eerie sight of dust-covered Bugs Bunny statues in the Warner Brothers store, a store where one day I'd bought my daughter a stuffed Tweety Bird before heading to the down escalator to the Path Train, now also crushed from above. 90 West Street, my office/home, and a landmark building erected in 1907, was badly damaged by burning columns falling onto it's facades, and two people died in one of it's elevators. The city says it will cost more than 50 million dollars to repair the building, and they're considering converting the building into an opera hall and cultural center. So, when I'm back in New York I'll do as so many others have done and shuffle down to the ghost of a building, an aching spot in the air where something is supposed to be, but no longer is.. Current Mood: pleased (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 1st, 2003
9:38 am	Burning Bush Bush gave a pretty good speech this week, talking about how a democratic Iraq, run by Iraqis, could be the foothold that leads to Middle East peace. Importantly, he warned Israel that they'd have to prepare to stop building settlements, and get used to the idea of a viable Palestinian homeland. This strategic reassurance to the MIddle East that the US doesn't intend to fight a war "for Israel" was soon overshadowed by the Bush administration's two subsequent blunders throughout the week. The first mistake was tactical, the second diplomatic. Tactically, Bush let Saddam pull a brilliant takeaway maneuver. Iraq suddenly discovers some missiles that are banned under the resolution, says it has no intention of destroying them, the US says "you better !", Saddam gives in while declaring "see ? see ? I AM disarming". Geez. The tons of chemical and biological weapons still unaccounted for, of course. But Hans Blix, who would like to make a career of driving around Iraq looking for weapons, is duly impressed by the newly accommodating Iraq. The administration can blame itself for having framed the entire argument around WMDs while downplaying Saddam's overall role as tyrant and provocateur. Diplomatically, I don't know what the Bush people are doing, but it ain't working. I'm sure that Donald "We Will Kill Them All" Rumsfeld's attitude can't help. If would be nice if Bush himself would seem just a bit more reflective once in a while. To have Putin, supposed pal of Bush, come out and threaten a veto, something went wrong. Everyone (except maybe France) knows that the world would be better off without Saddam; the United States, with bucks to spread around, should be having an easier time of it. But now, with France and Russia racing each other to the veto, the US can pretty much forget about bribing the non-permanent members of the rotating Security Council (tough luck, Cameroon !). So, barring the unforeseen, this is how it looks. Bush makes another impassioned plea, maybe on Wednesday, and it falls on deaf ears. The second resolution is withdrawn instead of facing sure defeat. The war (still) starts on March 18th, with Great Britain, Australia and some former Soviet-bloc countries joining the United States. Baghdad falls within a week, with no Saddam to be found. The United Nations demands a part in reorganizing the government of Iraq, and the US agrees. And while Germany ousts Shroeder at the first opportunity, France and the United States don't see eye to eye on anything for a long, long time. And finally, historians a century from now are in general agreement that the United States effectively neutralized a worldwide terrorism problem, beginning with the downfall of Saddam. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 23rd, 2003
7:59 am	Grammys Musician Sheryl Crow, who made headlines when she wore a "War Is Not the Answer" T-shirt at the American Music Awards in January, plans to hand out 300 "No War" buttons tomorrow. "If we can't turn to our artists, who can we look to?" Crow told the Daily News. "I think there will be artists stepping forward and making statements." > Well, presumably, for guidance about things like war, people have traditionally turned to theologians, philosophers, community leaders, etc. I can't recall when they've turned to the singers amongst them, but Sheryl Crow is just upholding the long tradition of imgaining that the great unwashed masses give a damn what performing artists have to say about the great issues of the day. For every artist like Bono who parlays his fame with true efforts to help people there are fifty people like Barbara Streisand who won't shut up despite an inability to distinqish Iran from Iraq, or like Sheryl Crow, who informs us that War Is Bad....duh. War Is Not The Answer, I wonder what the question was ? I wonder if self-defense is OK with Sheryl, or maybe we should just destroy all of our gnarly weaponry to show the rest of the world how peaceful we are. Gosh, if only she could take a time machine back a couple of years and give Bin Laden one of her No War buttons, then the Trade Center would still be standing! So, the Grammys. I just looked at all the categories, there is a problem there, or maybe it's just a plan to see that everyone gets an award. The category Best Male Vocal For A Pop/Alternative/Zydeco Song Where The Artist Has Promised Not To Mention The War In His Acceptance Speech, for instance.... it just seems too specific. I'm hoping, so therefore predicting, that Norah Jones wins lots of stuff; she reminds me of stuff that came out when I was in high school, Minnie Ripperton, Phoebe Snow, whatever. I guess John Mayer's song Your Body Is A Wonderland will win in it's category. Also that the Carlos Santana/Michelle Branch song will pick up an award. Any time Nelly is matched up against Eminem, I'm rooting for Nelly, particularly that Hot In Herre wins best song. I see that Moby is nominated for Best Pop Instumental Performance for one song for his last album, and it would be nice to see Moby accepting an award with his little puppet dog making fun of Eminem. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 22nd, 2003
5:19 pm	Academy Awards One thing that The Hours, Adaptation, Road to Perdition, About Schmidt have in common is...I haven't seen them. In fact, I almost never get to see a movie in the theaters, and that's primarily because my life consists of taking care of kids and recovering from taking care of kids. Recently, I've seen two movies, and that's mostly because I figured out how to use the DVD player in my son's X-Box. One of these movies was Unfaithful, where Richard Gere continued his one-note "acting" career and where Diane Lane looks really great. Here, the story is that she has an affair, for no particular reason, her husband finds out and kill the guy, so she promises to wait for him until he gets out of jail in 30 years. The story doesn't work because the audience doesn't know how to feel about the husband's crime (is he insane or justified ?), and the audience never knows why the wife had the affair in the first place. Maybe the best part of the movie, besides the steamy stuff with Diane Lane, is that their son is played by the kid who plays Dewey on Malcom ln In The Middle (so at least I got a laugh out of it). The other movie was The Good Girl. Here, Jeniffer Aniston has an affair on her husband, for no particular reason (except that the husband is a slob, but the boyfriend is no day at the beach either), the boyfriend gets killed by police after holding up the dumpy retail store they both work in, and the husband forgives the wife and they bond together and live happily ever after. The problem is that the character who Jeniffer plays is going to lead a rather mundane existence going forward, and the audience is supposed to be ok with that (why, one wonders, didn't she choose independence when the chance presented itself). The best part of this movie is Jeniffer Aniston, who looks impossibly cute without make-up and dressed in Lee's Relaxed Fit jeans. The best dialog is when Jeniffer meets the boyfriend, Holden: She: Hey, whatch readin ? He: Catcher In The Rye, my name comes from it. She: What's your name, Catcher ? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 20th, 2003
10:39 pm	Flotsam I apparently need to "download a client", livejournal's odd term for "software program" -- then I'll be able to access this journal much more easily, and display little emoticons to display my mood, as well as mention what music I'm listening to (100th Window, Massive Attack's new one, soon to be commented on in some detail). I read an article the other day about a condition I'd not heard of, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Naturally, I immediately recognized myself. Well, not totally, but some of it rang too true for comfort -- someone truly suffering from NPD is really an asshole, and I'm only a jerk part-time. A little more subsequent research left me more confused, as there seems to be a smattering of all sorts of personality disorders which I point to as the cause for for my lack of fame, wealth, harmonious relationships, etc. As a quasi-narcissist I'm naturally deflated to learn that my maladies have been previously encountered by mankind but, alas, there it is. Today I was speaking on the phone to a client who, out of nowhere, brought up that his wife's mother was a narcissist, and I was all prepared to spout my just-enough-to-be-dangerous knowledge of the topic. I don't believe in conspiracies, it amazes me how people so often want there to be "something more", a man behind the curtain pulling the stings. I am, however, fairly confident that Lee Harvey Oswald had some help, but that's just because the notion of him performing that crime so perfectly is rather preposterous. Even there, though, I have no idea who helped him kill JFK and if I did know who it was - the Russians, J Edgar Hoover, Castro, the Mob - then I'd have to reconcile myself to that conspiracy having actually occurred, and I'd have trouble doing it. My guess is that the war starts on March 18th. It's not a new moon, but any later than that the weather will be getting too hot (and any earlier, of course, won't allow the full charade of courting the UN to complete itself). France will have succeeded in carving out it's niche as leader of a new axis containing Germany and Russia and China, a position of "power" they'll live to regret as time goes on. The "peace" protests around the world did nothing so much as make war more inevitable (not an unusual paradox, unfortunately), as Saddam grows recalcitrant with UN inspectors while observing what he perceives to be a divided West. Bush, of course, knows that 69% of Americans approve of force to topple Saddam and, in any case, Bush (and Blair) don't spend much time holding their fingers to the wind. It's a tough thing to get used to but Americans need to accept that, no matter what we do, the United States will be at war for at least a decade. The Trade Center was just an initial volley, there's no use pretending that we're "safe" or that Al Qaeda will go away very easily. Islamic nations will become rational members of the modern world, and tolerable for their neighbors, only when they become democracies and cease being tyrannies. When the French laugh at the Ugly American, who is so loud and uncultured, who is so spoiled and expects everything to always go his way, well, in a way, they're right -- I know plenty of Americans like that; when I lived in Europe I would cringe in embarrassment when I saw them. But there are plenty of admirable Americans as well, and my kids live here....so, if people hate us so utterly that they'll try to kill us whenever they can, I'm afraid we're going to have to get them first, without wasting too much time being equivocal about it. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 14th, 2003
11:35 pm	To Start.... So much to talk about, but there's this little pending war... Saddam Hussein poses no immediate threat to the United States. Nevertheless, the United States must invade his country and overthrow him immediately. This is required because Saddam has actively developed potent weapons for quite some time while making fools of the U.N. and previous U.S. presidents. If Saddam is permitted to use his quasi-allies like France and Germany to prevent accountability for his weapons programs, he will be that much more emboldened in the future. America must now look to defend itself, and not be beholden to an ineffective body like the United Nations. Similarly, we must be ready to cut ties with false allies like France, who despise the idea of a powerful United States and who are themselves more interested in Iraqi oil than curbing terrorism. This weekend there will be "peace" demonstrations all over the world, with demands that the U.S. give the inspection process time (ignoring the fact that the inspectors' missions was supposed to be to observe Iraq's disarmament, not to search endlessly for what Iraq is hiding), with assertions that the United States is the aggressor (even protesters in New York City will have convinced themselves of this, incredibly forgetting who caused the smell of death to waft through their streets so recently). It is time, truly, for the United States to be bold, to protect it's own citizens, to be sure that the "unpopular" path can also be the only path, the right path. There is just no way to have time, right now, for lots of self-reflection on why some Islamics hate us so much - any group that murders three thousand innocents in New York City are the true "infidels". War is terrible, it's violent and murderous and generally the most unfortunate activity that man can be engaged in. I hope, for the sake of the world, that the United States attacks Baghdad immediately. (7 Comments |Comment on this)